On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
