She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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