I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
