I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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