she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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