They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
