he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
