AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
