margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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