Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
