By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
