I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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