rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
