Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We got so high we made milksteak
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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