burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ttyl tear gas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
