Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it hurts more in the daytime
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
