and she was petting her beer can
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
