I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am naked and annoyed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
