Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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