Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
