I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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