He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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