Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
