I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
