he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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