just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
