I just cut my nipple shaving
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
