Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
