WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are a genius and a whore.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
