wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
