P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
