I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
