Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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