Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you win again, gameday.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
