If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
