So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
