Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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