"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
