My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just pee around me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
