I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
