i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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