i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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