Whod you bang
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
