It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
