Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
