you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
