dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
