ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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