Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
