I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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