I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
