You're so nebulous sometimes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
