You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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