if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
