Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
